#8 Letting go of the excessive need to meet expectations
What if Life were a Dream ?
Dear Friend,
How are you navigating the new year so far? What have you decided to trim away?
For me, I'm exploring letting go of the pressure to meet other people's expectations.
I’m curious to see what is left when the “people pleaser” personna goes away.
ART
Important
What we think is so important is not important.
We take life so seriously.
We take our roles so seriously.
We take social constructs so seriously.
We take opinions so seriously.
We mistake fleeting experiences for anchors.
I painted this calligraphy as a reminder of "Memento Mori" but also as a spark for self-inquiry.
Do you have a burning question that you have to answer on this brief journey we call Life?
ZEN
Questioning the dream
I was asked what is the reading in Japanese of this calligraphy “Life is a brief dream”. Actually, I don’t know.
It’s not a traditional Japanese expression. I was studying a calligraphy book and was pulled to put together those three kanjis on the scroll: LIFE - BRIEF - DREAM
Those three words open a door of questioning what we take for granted :
What differs between waking life and dreaming ?
If we closely observe our thoughts and emotions, are they more solid than illusions ?
Is it possible that our world perception is based on attachments and misunderstandings ?
How many certainties do we have apart from Life's transient nature ?
Unfiltered like an old lady
When we treat life like a fleeting dream, there is no space for being excessively self-conscious and conforming to others’ expectations because of lack of confidence.
I recently went to the movie theater to see a French Christmas comedy called “Noël Joyeux” featuring Franc Dubosc and Emmanuelle Devos.
In this film a middle-aged couple decides, with not-so-pure intentions, to invite elderly residents from a nearby retirement home to join their festivities table as a Christmas gesture.
The two grannies that end up at their Christmas dinner are not necessarily a good example of graceful aging. Sometimes they were rude, morbid, or impolite.
But I was shocked at how honest and true they were compared to the middle-aged couple.
“When you are old, you are afraid to get old. But when you are VERY old, you’re not afraid to die anymore, let alone afraid to be old. You just are”
Dialogue from the film “Noël Joyeux”
Accepting your brief Life
Through the lens of my journey to let go of people's expectations, I felt inspired by those funny old ladies in this Christmas comedy.
From life encounters, I also noticed that elderly people that have grown some wisdom through life experience, are more outspoken and direct.
They realized life is too short to have complexes about your legs, your skin, or your hair.
If you are cultivating good qualities in yourself, why refrain from being authentic?
Calm as a New Year's Eve
I had a chance to put that into practice on New Year's Eve.
Instead of being in a scattered party, or dolling up, I felt wrapped in a sense of calm and appreciation of the Grace of the moment.
Like an old lady who has seen through the charade of commercial pressure, I took an evening walk with my loved ones in the neighborhood park, set the table for three, and listened to the boiling potatoes on the stove.
I was no longer weighed down by the need to impress or to conform. I didn’t care anymore how I was supposed to dress, to look like, the friends and social acceptance I was supposed to showcase.
Letting go of the “New Year's Eve Checklist” has put my heart at ease.
Remained the present moment.
FOOD
The savory risotto
On the last days of the holidays, my mother-in-law cooked risotto for us. This heart-warming dish needs you to patiently infuse love throughout the cooking.
Ingredients:
arborio rice
mushrooms
carrots
parsnips
celery
or any seasons vegetable
for taste :
onion
garlic
vegetable broth
salt and pepper
parmesan cheese
Instructions :
Heat olive oil in a large saucepan over medium heat. Add onion and cook until softened, about 5 minutes. Stir in garlic and cook for another minute until fragrant.
Add arborio rice and stir to coat with the oil.
Ladle in 1/2 cup of the warm vegetable broth and stir frequently until the rice absorbs the liquid. Keep adding broth, ladle by ladle, and stirring constantly until the rice is cooked through and creamy, about 20-25 minutes. The grains should be al dente, with a slight bite.
While the rice cooks, add cut winter vegetables about 15 minutes before the rice is done. This ensures they are cooked but still retain some texture.
Once the rice is cooked, stir in Parmesan cheese, salt, and pepper to taste.
Take action today :
Identify one time you censored yourself from lack of confidence or fear of not being accepted.
Give yourself permission once to be unfiltered like an old lady. How did it feel?
See you next time,
Maden
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Ho